I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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