I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
