Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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