im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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