office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
