dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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