all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize