you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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