she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
