suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
