There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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