watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
