Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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