So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
