I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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