Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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