Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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