I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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