A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
