i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I touched a dick in church today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
