i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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