mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
how drunk are you?
Several
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
