Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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