remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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