I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
