If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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