First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
well most of my day revolves around power hour
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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