from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
