I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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