My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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