Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
