i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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