It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
