I think i peed on brittanys purse
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We have so much sex to catch up on
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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