does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
