1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize