I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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