Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
