I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize