She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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