I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
