My friends, they love my intelligence
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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