there's paper in my vomit.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
