for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
