2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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