dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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