so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
