if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
