..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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