I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
