it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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