Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
