also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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