I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
