Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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