RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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