This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
