How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
