I want to make a zoo with you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
