I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
