taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
