dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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