this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
