He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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