im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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