He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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