Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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