nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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