dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
