Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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