We should be called the Road Head Warriors
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
