Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
