Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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