good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
