I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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