toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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