And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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