He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
