they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
