Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
