I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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