Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
