so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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