My room smells like vodka and shame
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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