My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
