I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
