'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
