just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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