I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
