I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
