I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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