do herpes really smell.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
