By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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