I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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