I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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