I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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