Your dad touched me again.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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