Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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