I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
