just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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