Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can I color on your dick again?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
