So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize