he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
