I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
