Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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