Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
