are you still at the devil's house?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
