Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
