I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
