You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
